A few years ago my local grocery had a tree with cards for Christmas gift requests from people who were homeless or nearly so.
For many good reasons, I’ve struggled financially in my life but when I read the individual requests it shifted my perspective: winter gloves; a man’s razor for shaving; socks; barrettes or a hair tie for a girl; a scarf and hat.
I have or can easily buy these things. It doesn’t matter if they’re old, or from a thrift store, or unstylish. I can still use or buy them. I don’t need to hope that someone will read my request and give me a pair of socks.
These few examples shifted my perspective on my own financial situation. I no longer accept bag credit when I fill my cloth bags with produce, but instead ask that it’s donated because my “need” diminished to slightly more than zero that day.
Some of my favorite parts of the season are the lights, spending time with those I love, and going to the local toy store to buy toys (well, usually art supplies and a stuffed animal) and dropping them off at Toys for Tots to be distributed to children who get too little material support, children I’ll never recognize though I apply the care in choosing that I do for my loved ones.
When I was little I was inseparable from my stuffed grey squirrel…Grayee was my Linus blanket. We moved when I was five and Grayee disappeared. Sobbing, I begged my mom to call the police because “the moving men stole Grayee.”
It was many years before I could laugh at the idea that these grown men would have stolen my battered squirrel, but Grayee had been my comfort and companion. My hope is that Toys for Tots provide the comfort I got from Grayee…and that the toys received are never lost.
My car was stolen from our driveway during a storm earlier this week.
I’ve lived much of my life in dense urban areas, nothing ever stolen. Now that I live in a “safe” suburban neighborhood, my car is gone and there’s no public transportation. I am left with this gutting sense of foreignness that happens with violation, or when some core belief is irrefutably changed.
Everything that was in the car is gone as well: my best rain gear for stormy beach walks; my grandmother’s ring that my recently deceased mom wore to her final breath; a life-time of postage stamps so I could avoid lines.
I hope what I’ve learned from police, an insurance rep who specializes in stolen vehicles, and others can help you avoid this loss.
~ The incidence of car thefts is highest in a storm (which we had that night) because the storm masks the sounds of breaking glass and car alarms, which are quickly disconnected.
~ Some cars are specifically targeted.* When I heard this I thought it was because they’re popular; instead, it’s because they’re easy to steal (for example, a master key can be used for several years of cars that were my make and model, no breakage necessary.) Unfortunately, my car is worth more as parts than as a vehicle, which is disturbing on many levels. While the above link re: specific cars states that car theft is down, that’s not my insurance company’s experience.
~ Car theft, arson and burglary claims have so increased in 2012 for my long-established insurance company that that division has almost tripled the workforce to handle the load, and they still don’t have enough reps.
~ The Club and similar devices hardly delay (moments at best) a professional thief. The officer who took my report said they don’t help.
The insurance representative who took my claim has changed his personal habits due to working in the car theft division. In addition to what I’ve already suggested, he adds:
~ Don’t keep anything in the car including rain coats and other clothes since you’ll lose them when the car is stolen.
~ NEVER leave the keys in the car, especially in the ignition, and most especially with the engine running, not even if you’re standing next to the car. Take your keys whenever you step out of your vehicle. (One of his clients left his key in his ignition while he filled his car with gas. Someone jumped in and drove off. The client not only lost his car, but had terrible injuries since the gas hose whipped him against the payment station when it jerked out from the speeding vehicle.)
~ Keep your car doors locked, even if you’re pumping gas or talking beside the car . A friend’s purse was on the passenger seat as she filled her tank. Someone opened the door, grabbed the purse and ran.
~ Don’t leave a spare key, especially a house key, in the car.
~ Keep registration and insurance papers with you rather than in the car. If the car is stolen, at least they don’t have your address, name, and the like. Home burglary and identity theft often follow after a vehicle is stolen.
~ Never leave a garage opener in the car. Not only is the vehicle in the garage at risk, but also one’s home if the garage is attached. An acquaintance mentioned that her car was stolen from her driveway, and that may have been the total theft if she didn’t keep the garage opener in her car. The thief used the genie to open the garage and Poof! both vehicles were gone when she woke.
~ If you have a tracking device in the vehicle, use the locator ASAP since the tracker can be disabled quickly or tossed.
~ If your car is stolen, call the police and then your insurance company to report it. Then let additional vehicle related services know such as companies who provide paid toll service, the DMV for disability plates/placards and the like so you are not responsible if your vehicle is involved in further crime, and also because these services may be able to help you track the vehicle.
Be safe and please pass this link or information on to everyone you know. Thanks.
I’ve never understood the arrogance when people or cultures denounce other species as lesser because homo sapiens “are the only ones who can make tools, speak, or have emotional bonds, consciousness, problem-solving skills, complex thoughts” and the like.
Most of these assumptions have already been debunked, albeit one species and/or one tool that expands our limited sensory ability at a time.
However, we know so few, if any, absolutes about ourselves–individually or collectively–whether about existence, potential, unconscious reactions and impulses, yet people make claims about other species’ limitations that we can’t possibly know, especially when we lack the sensory means that another species relies on.
For example, would you have assumed that mice sing? Not a squeak, but instead they sing in frequencies beyond human hearing and will change their tune to match other mice and woo females. Imagine Elvis’ hip grind if he’d been a Mus musculus.
I first saw Heinz Maier’s macro photographs on jacktweeter’s now defunct blog and couldn’t have been more impressed until I saw that Maier had only been taking photographs since late 2010. Lucky for us that he found a relaxing hobby. His insects are lovely as well.
These are suggestions to support someone who is seriously or chronically ill rather than someone with the flu, though none of these suggestions will harm the acutely sick. This is not intended to be universal for everyone, but will hopefully help others approach this challenging issue in ways that are helpful for the ill and their caregivers. Feel free to comment with your own experiences.
1) Simplify their routine and physical space for rest and safe mobility
2) Volunteer to clean, run errands, drive them places, and care for pets or children
3) Provide nourishing food that’s easy to eat and digest
4) Take time for yourself
5) Listen with empathy and remain present even in silence
9) Children’s audio books or reading aloud (kid lit tends to be uplifting and hopeful)
10) Engage the person in any activity that interests them
11) Be an advocate
Examples:
Allow the person to rest as much as needed (our cells regenerate when we’re deeply relaxed as in meditation and when we sleep. We also do our psychological integration during sleep). If possible, gentle to moderate movement, even if lying in bed, is also important when not sleeping or deeply resting since it helps circulation, the lymph system (which destroys pathogens) and maintains joint mobilization. Massage can help if the if the person is unable to move. Respect individual need.
Remove obstacles in the person’s pathway, not only to prevent injury but also to create mental ease. And declutter declutter declutter…I’m not a neat-nik, but a clean environment is critical when one is seriously ill. When the body is struggling, the mind is as well and can be easily overwhelmed by sensory information.
2) Don’t wait to be asked; offer to clean the immediate area or home for the person, same with their pets or children, or whatever they need help with such as groceries, getting to or making appointments, or possibly driving them to a calm pretty place for even a five minute visit if they’re able to leave their bed or home.
3) Well-cooked rice is usually digestible even for the very ill, though ground baby-food rice is an alternative if someone is too sick to even digest soft rice. Consider using organic foods when possible to reduce pesticides or herbicides from further stressing a person’s system. The benefit of chicken soup is not a myth. Bone marrow broth is also rich with healing minerals, glucosamine and other substances that bouillon cubes do not offer. Organic miso is another healing and generally easily digested food. Patients in Japanese hospitals, who had miso soup three times a day, experienced far lower rates of cancer and other post-atomic bomb illness in Nagasaki and Hiroshima than the non-hospitalized population. This is how we learned that miso reduces radiation effects.
4) If you are a caregiver, get a massage, dance, practice yoga, walk, visit a friend, play with a dog, sauna, meditate, play a game, participate in a sport, create, nap…whatever you need to restore yourself. Caregiving is hard work even when it’s not full time.
5) Actively listen when the ill person speaks. If they would prefer to have you speak, perhaps tell them stories or read to them…preferably uplifting stories so the brain maintains positive associations. It may also help to sing. Few interactions provide the soothing quality of song, which may also help you. If silence is needed, simply breathe as they breathe. Following breath, yours or theirs, is a powerful method of maintaining or developing presence.
6) Comedies may help when someone is disabled or chronically ill. Some good ones include “When Harry Met Sally,” “Robin Williams: Live on Broadway” “Groundhog Day”, “Amelie,” the best of SNL with Steve Martin and the like, and TV series like “Arrested Development” “Gilmore Girls” “Modern Family” “Seinfeld” and “The Simpsons.” Anything that provides laughter is invaluable for both the ill and their caregivers.
7) Touch offers comfort, can ease anxiety, and may establish connection even in the absence of verbal communication. Obviously one must remain respectful and empathetic to what the sick person is comfortable with in terms of location, pressure and type of touch (caress to stillness) and a few people will not want touch at all; instead, only the nearness of someone who cares about them. However, even gently holding another’s hand can provide connection that effects the primal brain, thus reducing fear and stress. Massage, even as simple as a gentle hand or foot massage, can increase endorphins. Pressure can also trump pain, which is why if we hit a shin we often press on it to make it feel better.
8) “Music for Airports” by Brian Eno, ambient music stations like Hearts in Space, or any style of music that the person especially loves (this can change with serious illness) can be surprisingly helpful. When everything is overwhelming to one’s system, the simplicity of ambient music can be soothing.
9) Ask a librarian or independent book seller for good audio books and books to read aloud. The Secret Garden,The Thief Lord, andThe No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency are engaging audio books. Children’s books are especially good to read aloud as are some of David Sedaris‘ stories. Children’s writing is often uplifting and well-written. Consider Winnie the Pooh, a classic for almost any age, especially when one feels vulnerable.
10) You may want to talk about pets, loved ones, music, fashion, astronomy, gardening, whatever might interest the person enough, however temporarily, so that they can focus on something other than how they’re feeling, mortality, and the like. I’m not suggesting that these issues shouldn’t be discussed, only that if you can connect them to something that enlivens them, it may be helpful.
11) Help them with insurance forms and companies; applying for disability or other needed resources; and accompany them to medical visits. Illness itself can be overwhelming without also having to track every option a medical professional suggests, or having to remember the answer to every question asked, or waiting on hold till a call is answered by a company, or filling out extensive forms. During appointments the person may want you to speak for them, or ask clarifying questions about medicines, procedures, treatment, recovery, options, that may be too overwhelming for the individual to navigate alone.
Elizabeth Oakley Weaver 